“Every child comes with the message that God is not yet discouraged by man,” a famous quote by an Indian author, Rabindranath Tagore that may not ring a bell to a young single mother living with disability while struggling to cater for a child suffering from a terminal medical condition.
As the world continues to mark 16 days of activism against Gender Based Violence, Joyce Adhiambo Otieno is finding it rough trying to cope with the dual challenge of living with disability and caring for a sickle cell son.
While many associate GBV with physical and sexual assault, Adhiambo believes that the psychological trauma of rejection from a person she thought loved her, only to vanish at the hour of need, is the worst.
Adhiambo moved participants at a GBV forum organized by Nyimine Empowerment CBO in Bondo to tears when she narrated the harrowing experience she has undergone since her baby daddy walked out of her life immediately she announced her two-month pregnancy.
She says that all was well between her and the boyfriend, whom she did not name, until the day she opened up to him that she was expecting a baby.
“Instead of joining me in happiness, the man changed and declared that there was no way he could marry me because of my disability,” she narrated while fighting back tears.
And, with that statement, the man walked out on her for good and switched off his phone.
Feeling dejected, Adhiambo thought that going to her parents’ home in Alego, Siaya County would be the best option. She was wrong.
“I was told that I could not stay with my mother while expectant as it was against tradition,” she says adding that she had to look for a house to rent and wait for the time for delivery.
A hustler from a poor background, Adhiambo had to fend for herself in order to pay rent and buy food. Due to her disability, she had to undergo a Caesarian Section to be delivered of her baby boy.
The delivery, though expected to bring joy to the parents, marked another chapter of misery for her.
As a single mother living with disability who eked a living from plaiting hair, she could no longer work as the Caesarian wound would not allow her stand for long. Neither could she engage in hawking which was her previous source of livelihood.
After months of struggling, Adhiambo was engaged as a housemaid by a woman who, she adds, is related to the father of her son. She stayed on for three months and left when the employer refused to pay her.
All through, she says, the baby would cry persistently over unknown ailments and when she later landed an Mpesa attendant job, her new employer encouraged her to take the child to the hospital.
“It is here that the boy was found to be suffering from sickle cell disorder,” she says adding, “I cried a lot in hospital when the news was broken”.
While trying to come to terms with the medical report, her boss informed her that the employment was over and she had to return back home and concentrate on caring for the sickly son.
When the news reached the family and friends of the boyfriend, this marked yet another dark phase of their relationship as the few relatives who still could pick her calls blacklisted her.
Adhiambo says that life has been hard for her raising the 20-month-old son who requires close monitoring and special care.
“Raising a sickle cell child is a tall order as the child requires special attention and diet,” she says.
She now calls for assistance to have her son’s father compelled to help in the care of the child.
Moved by her account, Bondo sub county Assistant County Commissioner Mr. Michael Too who was among the participants at the forum advised Adhiambo to report to relevant government offices so that she could be assisted to, among others, trace the child’s father.
Too said that the government, through medical experts, has ways of ascertaining whether he is the biological father and if proved, he would be made to bear responsibility for upkeep of the child.
“He will be traced and, with help of medical experts, it can be ascertained if he is the biological father of the child and made to shoulder the responsibility,” said Too.
County Reproductive Health Coordinator Dominic Omollo decried rising cases of gender-based violence in the county, expressing concern that most incidents do not see the light either because of ignorance or the guardians being compromised.
The executive director of the Nyimine Empowerment Community based Organisation (NYECBO) Lorna Nyandat lamented over the high number of young girls who enter marriage in Siaya county.
Nyandat said that 33 percent of young girls aged between 15 to 18 years in the county get married off due to several factors.
She said that at this age, the girls are not knowledgeable about their sexual and reproductive health and rights hence face many challenges that include gender-based violence in their marriages.
